The Bungle Years: The birds and the boys

There is a staunch difference in the way a guy interacts with his guy friends and how a girl interacts with her girlfriends.

Take breaking up, for example. When a girl’s boyfriend breaks up with her, her girlfriends are there to comfort her. They tell her how she is the prettiest and smartest person in the whole wide world. They also will assure their grieving friend that her new ex was really just a big jerk who could barely dress himself.

When a guy gets dumped by his girlfriend, he will talk to his guy friends and say things like, “I don’t know what went wrong. Things between me and girls just never seem to click.” And his friend will respond by saying things like, “Well, maybe if you weren’t butt-ugly, girls might actually like you.” Or, perhaps, “So is it cool if I ask her out?”

Another perfect example of this difference was my wedding day. My wonderful wife and I got married last month. My wife’s girlfriends were there, donning matching dresses and large smiles. It was an event they had been dreaming of together ever since the third grade.

My best man, on the other hand, showed up after it was over, wearing a Scottish-looking tie and cheap cologne. He ran up to me as the post-ceremony pictures were being taken and offered the excuse to end all excuses.

“Dude, I’m so sorry. I thought my alarm was going off early so I ignored it, but really it was going off on time.”

Perhaps the biggest difference, though, is the different ways guys and girls choose to have fun with their friends.

My wife told me that oftentimes, she and her girlfriends would go underwear shopping for fun. You heard me correctly — underwear. You know, that cloth you wear under your pants to keep your behind from getting too cold when you sit on a metal chair. They would shop for that FOR FUN! Personally, I don’t see what’s so fun about having to pay for fabric in which the sole purpose is to keep your pants from starting to smell funny (if you know what I mean). But the magic of purchasing a new pair of undies is apparently enough to keep a group of girls entertained for an evening.

When it comes to fun, guys are simple. Guys just like to yell at stuff. That’s why we like going to sports games. There is a certain satisfaction that comes from yelling at people who are significantly better than you at something and telling them how they can improve. It’s also why we like to build things. There’s nothing more self-fulfilling than working on something for a long time, and finally getting frustrated enough that you yell at your mess of a project, because obviously, it’s the project’s fault that you can’t build it.

For a guy, the only thing better than yelling at something is yelling at something with a friend. The friendship becomes enhanced when you become close enough that you can yell at your friend directly. I have many fond memories of calling up a friend after a “my team beat your team” scenario. There is no greater expression of admiration than yelling taunts, jeers and Utah-friendly profanities into the voicemail of someone you care about.

So I guess that’s why we are meant to marry each other. Guys need to be taught that it’s probably not a good idea to yell at everything, no matter how fun it may seem. Women need to know that no matter how great the sale is, there just might be better things to spend money on than an ever-growing supply of underwear. Unless, of course, your current pairs of underwear are starting to smell funny (if you know what I mean).