With another Valentine’s Day come and gone, one thing at the forefront of many people’s minds is dating. Dating is an unmovable mountain that must be climbed by anyone looking for a long-term partner. The first step along this journey is finding someone to ask on a date.
Turning towards dating apps is one way to find a date. With so many different options, it can be hard to find the right one for you. Sage Sly, a creative writing major at Weber State University, grappled with this struggle at the start of his college career.
“When I got into college, I went through this whole phase of ‘Oh, I need a date, I need a date.’” Sly said, “I went through a bunch of dating apps, Tinder, Bumble, Boo, just whatever I could find.”
After trying out some dating apps, Sly found that they didn’t quite fit his dating style.
“I feel like a relationship should develop kind of slowly in a sense,” Sly said. “I’m not the type of person that goes up, ‘Hey, you want a date?’ I want to know the person more.”
Sly isn’t the only one who’s decided to move away from dating apps and focus more on in person interactions. Awnalyssia Bitter, a political science and radiology major, has never used a dating app.
“I just never have had the drive to use one,” Bitter said. “I’d rather meet someone at an event or something than show up unknowingly to a place and meet someone.”
Bitter found that finding interesting people and getting to know them better is what works best for her when trying to find a date.
After finding a dating style that works, the challenge isn’t over. The next step is asking someone out on a date. Aaron Jeffrey, the director of Weber State’s counseling and psychological services center and a licensed marriage and family therapist, knows that anxiety is part of everyone’s experience when asking someone out on a date.
“If you feel some anxiety, congratulations, you’re normal,” Jeffrey said. “One of the things we can’t get around is that we have to do it.”
Anxiety is part of the dating experience. Even when someone is able to overcome the stress that surrounds asking someone out, it does not guarantee success. Even though rejection can hurt, it is important to remember that it does not define who someone is.
“Develop some positive expectation of ‘I’m gonna ask this person out, and if they say no, that’s okay,’” Jeffery said. “If I ask this person out and they say no, that doesn’t change how I feel about myself.”
Another important aspect to consider when asking someone out on a date is that people tend to overthink things. Jeffery said that research shows people tend to like us more than one might think. Jeffery also recommends that people be physically active beforehand to burn off some of that stress.
“We can get really comfortable about engaging with somebody online for a very long time,” Jeffery said. “And then we get in their physical presence and go like, oh, I don’t feel that ease.”
Developing that comfort with someone can take time. Awkwardness and anxiety is all a part of that journey. Once you land a relationship it is important to prioritize it if you want to maintain a strong connection. Jeffery has been married for 26 years and finds that commitment and flexibility are what have worked best for his relationship.
“It’s the flexibility to adjust with one another in terms of how they believe or what they think or how their body changes,” Jeffery said. “And the more you can adjust over the course of time, you can have a really rich relationship.”
