Abstract Academic: Real movies are coming back

Things come back into fashion: skinny jeans, rompers, Robert Downey Jr., mod furniture, Battlestar Galactica, Jaclyn Smith’s hairstyle and thick-framed glasses. And, when I saw Super 8 this summer, the first thing I thought was, Yes. Real movies are back.

Unfortunately, not all movies are injected with that same Spielbergian nostalgia. Studios are making fewer films every year, and the films they do make are targeted toward the dollars of an international market.

This does not mean, however, that movies need to become soulless. J.J. Abrams, Super 8’s director, purposely based the movie’s foundations on films he made in his backyard as a kid. He tried to capture the same feelings he got from watching E.T., Stand By Me and Star Wars to make his movie, and I have a feeling that movies, just like beach-y hairstyles and straight-backed couches, are going to start following the same trends.

Therefore, it is my goal, as the extremely influential arts and entertainment editor of a newspaper that represents the largest university in the metropolis of Ogden, Utah, to bring the best parts of ’60s, ’70s and ’80s cinema back to the big screen. Here, for all of Hollywood to read, is a list of popular movies from the last decade, propped up next to an older movie that I feel best embodies the soul of their respective genres. So, if you liked. . .

. . .Inception, then you’ll love North by Northwest. Alfred Hitchcock’s thriller is not as mind-bending as the recent Christopher Nolan dreamscape epic, but it is as entertaining and artistically filmed. Cary Grant is the perfect leading man who is placed at the center of a mistaken-identity crisis.

. . .The Notebook, then you’ll love Beaches. I know, I know, the Ryan Gosling/Rachel McAdams vehicle is a romance, and the Bette Midler/Barbara Hershey film is a friends-forever sis-mance, but they are both emotionally manipulative movies designed solely to make viewers cry so hard that their eyeballs pop out and roll away.

. . .The Other Guys/Pineapple Express/Sherlock Holmes/The Hangover/Bridesmaids/The King’s Speech, then you’ll love Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Buddy films are everywhere these days, but this Western perfected the art of putting two tough guys together in tough situations and watching them break through their tough exteriors. Also, it puts Robert Redford and Paul Newman together on the same screen (sort of the Brad Pitt and George Clooney of my mom’s generation).

. . .Paranormal Activity, then you’ll love Poltergeist. This movie was made back when Craig T. Nelson had hair (well, relatively speaking), and the special effects in the ghostly parts of the flick look like something I could throw together on Microsoft Paint (TM), but it is a terrifying movie, even in its silliness.

. . .The Kids Are All Right, then you’ll love On Golden Pond. Plot-wise, these movies could not be more different, but at their heart, they are both touching, subtly emotional family dramas that deal with the important relationships between parents, children and spouses.

. . .Arthur, then you’ll love Arthur. Russell Brand is a funny guy, but his remake of the Dudley Moore classic that details the troubles of a billionaire drunkard fell far short of the goal. My father can quote every original Arthur line, verbatim. My favorite is this one: “I race cars, play tennis and fondle women, BUT I have weekends off, and I am my own boss.”