Not-so-Signpost: Food fight

Marisa Nelson

All foods can be classified as either soup, salad, sandwich or ravioli.
All foods can be classified as either soup, salad, sandwich or ravioli. Photo credit: Grace Haglund

Since the dawn of The Signpost, an ongoing debate in our newsroom has been that all foods should fit into one of four categories: sandwich, soup, salad and the recent addition of ravioli.

You’re probably asking yourself: How can this be? What about fruits? What about pizza?

We have come to the conclusion that these categories may be flawed, but many — if not most — foods can be classified as a sandwich, soup, salad or ravioli.

The arguments over this are intense and often keep us from focusing on producing the actual paper. Arguments have ensued recently about where to classify pizza. Thus far, we have determined that it should be its own category.

Some say that because it has multiple parts, it should be considered a salad. Others argued that it’s more similar to a ravioli.

“Umm, no. Pizza should never be considered a salad,” Justin Steed, assistant copy desk chief, said.

Ravioli must have some sort of filling on the inside and the edges must be sealed. Thus, we still cannot determine if pizza fits here.

We have also determined that most of these foods are in a gluten pocket. Pop-Tarts, danishes, calzones, baked pies and burritos are some of the foods we have placed under the umbrella of ravioli.

The argument we have been debating now is if bananas are considered ravioli.

Would a Cheez-It be a ravioli, or would the bag of Cheez-Its be considered a salad? Should we classify ingredients or the meal as a whole?

“Cheez-Its are sealed on all sides, so it has to be an air ravioli!” Jennifer Greenlee, editor-in-chief of The Signpost, said.

A new argument of “Can things be multiple categories?” has taken over since beginning the construction of this story.

Is a bowl of ravioli considered a salad?

Now that we’ve got you thinking and confused about ravioli, let’s talk about foods that fit in the sandwich category: non-baked pies, Ritz Bitz/cracker sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers and baked potatoes.

Tacos would also be considered a sandwich. Chew on that for a moment.

What about baked sandwiches or grilled? Should we count them as ravioli?

The edges of grilled cheeses or other hot sandwiches are not sealed. Sandwiches or foods in this category should have a top and a bottom with something in the middle — similar to a ravioli, but not quite special enough to earn the title of ravioli.

We classify pancakes as a sandwich, but unlike the other examples, they do not have a top and a bottom.

With toppings, pancakes could be considered an open face sandwich. No one argued that it should be a soup or a salad, and the parameters for a ravioli don’t really apply. So here, as a sandwich, it sits.

The topic of meat has sparked more controversy in the office, but most of us have come to the agreement that poultry or meat that has a skin on the outside would be a ravioli. Other red meats would be a sandwich.

Foods that fit under umbrella of soup include cereal, smoothies, oatmeal, yogurt, salsa and all condiments. Soups can be cold or hot, despite what some in our office may say.

“All soups can be salads, but not all salads can be soups,” Alexandrea Bonilla, assistant news editor, argued.

For example, spaghetti is a salad and cannot be classified as a soup, but chicken noodle soup could be a salad and a soup.

Salads often have dressings, so we determined that anything that has a sort of sauce or dressing is a salad, which is why spaghetti fits here.

Pasta salads also count as salads and not soups because there are multiple parts, and it does not have a liquid base.

So, does that mean that chicken noodle is only a soup and not a salad?

Quoting the famous song by the Wiggles about fruit salad, “Yummy, yummy,” Lissete Landaverde, culture editor, said.

Salads aren’t always known as being the most tasty, but in this context, more delicious things count as salads, such as burrito bowls, rice, biscuits and gravy and stuffing.

The argument stated earlier is if we should count bags or multiples of things as salads, such as a bowl of veggies, French fries, beans, bags of chips, etc.

“What about sushi?” Rebecca Gonzales, copy editor, said.

Sushi does have multiple parts, so would it be a salad? But there are types of sushi that have a top and a bottom or just a top.

If we are letting pancakes be a sandwich, shouldn’t we allow sushi the same privilege?

You as the reader, have to determine for yourself if this argument fits in your reality or if you will write us off as crazy. What foods do you want to debate about? Hopefully you have found some new argument to annoy your friends with.