From an unlucky cyclist’s bike stolen at a local police station to a lucky New Yorker surviving three suicide attempts, here’s this week’s five crazy headlines.

1. Maryland paper uses candidate’s name 29 times after threat of lawsuit

A local Maryland newspaper got fed up with Frederick County Council candidate Kirby Delauter after he threatened on Facebook to sue them for using his name without permission.

In response, the paper used his name 29 times in an editorial, including three times in the headline. The first letters of each paragraph even spell out K-I-R-B-Y-D-E-L-A-U-T-E-R.

According to a Washington Post blogger, the paper has the right to use names of public officials without their permission.

Source: The Salt Lake Tribune

2. Cyclist’s bike stolen at police station while reporting iPhone theft

Thirty-one-year-old Chicago resident Adam Wisneski’s luck went from bad to worse when he reported a stolen iPhone to local police last week. After assurances that his unsecured bike would be safe outside the police station where he reported the theft, it was stolen.

Wisneski turned around and reported the second theft, though the police already had most of the details they needed for the report.

Source: CBS Chicago

3. Man survives suicide attempts with spatula, knife and gunshot to face

New York City resident Dwayne Jackson is a survivor, though he didn’t want to be.

The 48-year-old survived three suicide attempts last week and is currently in stable condition at a local hospital.

He tried to slit his own throat with a spatula, knife himself in the stomach and shoot himself in the head last Monday, all unsuccessfully.

Source: NJ.com

4. Lottery tells man his $500,000 winning ticket was a ‘misprint’

New Mexico resident John Wines tried to claim $500,000 in lottery winnings last week but was turned away after being told the ticket was a misprint.

Wines contacted the lottery directly and was further told the organization had problems with a particular batch of tickets and that his ticket was not really the winner. The lottery offered $100 in lottery tickets in apology for the error, but Wines declined.

Source: KIRO 7 Seattle

5. Florida man wears shirt that says “Seriously, I have drugs,” arrested on drug charges

Floridian John Balmer was arrested last week for drug possession while wearing a shirt that says “Seriously, I have drugs.”

Balmer was arrested after trying to pass a suspicious looking bag to a person behind him in a local Kmart, then put it on the ground. The police confirmed the bag contained small amounts of marijuana and methamphetamine.

Apparently, law enforcement took his shirt seriously.

Source: My Fox Detroit