In a shocking news conference on campus, the Weber State athletic department announced that they would be naming John Cena as the director of the wrestling Wildcats.
“I consider it an honor to be representing Weber State as it’s wrestling coach,” coach John Cena said in an interview with the media. “This school has a great athletic tradition, and I hope to help the wrestling program rise to that standard.”
In the same news conference, the NCAA also granted Weber State the ability to add wrestling to the list of sanctioned sports allowed on the campus. Normally, due to Title IX, this would be an issue, but under the insistence of coach Cena, they were willing to make an exception.
“I helped to point out that this program change would benefit not only WSU but NCAA wrestling as a whole,” coach Cena said during the press conference. “The revenue that this program will bring college athletics as a whole will help provide so many more opportunities.”
Coach Cena is well suited for the job and comes with an illustrious resume, as well as experience in the sport. During his time In the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) league, he was a 12-time WWE World Heavyweight Championship title holder and has been one of the more prominent faces for WWE in the modern era.
As part of the redesign of the wrestling program, coach Cena will be hiring on new staff to help in the training. One of his assistants will be one of his long time rivals in the sport, Randy Orton. This choice came out of nowhere, given the bitter competition that existed between them.
“When John first called me and offered me the job, I was a bit hesitant at first, given our history,” assistant coach Orton said during the press conference. “After deliberating with the fans and my agent, i knew that this job was the place for me to be.”
The jump from club to mainline status will be a significant change for the wrestling squad, but many of the athletes are eager for this new opportunity to learn and grow.
“I was born and raised watching the greats fight it out on TV,” junior wrestler Sam Stout said after the press conference. “To be able to sit at the feet of two legends and learn the moves that they inspired will be the experience of a lifetime.”
The team will be holding try-outs for any student interested in participating on April 3 in the Ballrooms of the Shepherd Union. There is a waiver and fee that must be taken care of prior to attending the try-outs.
After the team has been chosen, their first match of the season will be against Cal Polytechnic University on May 5. Then on May 7, they’ll be flying out to participate in the Hulk Hogan Venice beach showdown against some of the top programs in the nation.
“They may think they’re tough,” said coach Cena, “but they can’t see me.”
For more info on coach Cena and to watch the press conference, follow this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roSzpJU6HG0.
Then hang your head in shame for believing this at any point beyond the first paragraph.
This article is a complete farce and is solely intended to entertain, not inform. Happy April Fools!!!
