I’m no stranger to parading myself in colorful super hero spandex and whoring myself out for candy. But in more recent years, I have found an even more sublime way to enjoy Halloween.

Scaring people has been a staple in adolescent entertainment for generations. I love scaring people, and I love being scarred. However, I’m not satisfied with local haunted houses. Me and my friends are adults and also scientists. We think about things logically, and we assess everything. If we go somewhere to be scared, we know they’ll try to scare us and, therefore, can’t be scared.

Pranks for Halloween can be well planned, spontaneous, involve mechanics or just words, but they have to be a surprise. For years, I have developed a myriad of ways to make my friends hate me, but when all is said and done, we all get a big laugh out of it, and I can excitedly await retaliation.

Some pranks I do are just simple while others could possibly lead to a restraining order, so before you decide to get someone this year, ask yourself a few question.

Can they take a joke? Some people in this world are just serious people, so you may want to try to loosen them up. However, they may consider even a quick verbal jab they’re way as the cardinal sin. However, I feel if someone can’t take a joke, they’re probably not a good friend.

So for Mr or Mrs. Sour Puss, I would suggest something easily fixable. For instance, you can put paper under their bed sheets, so it makes a crumbling noise when they sit down. You could put a picture of your face in their note book or maybe borrow a friend’s phone to tell them they’ve won a million dollars. No harm done.

Ask yourself, “will they get mad?” If not, then try some physical alterations. These are things that might get a little messy. Hiding in a closet and grabbing them with a roar is an example or messing with their car (e.g.  putting butter in their door handle). My favorite is taking a vegetable peeler and shaping a grapefruit or lemon into an apple, then you put a stick in them and dip them in caramel, and voila— all of your friends to hate you. And salty cupcakes are also fun.

One last thing you should ask yourself is, “how far is too far?” Many of my friends wouldn’t want an invasion of their privacy or a any real fear of harm, but for my Army buddies, the sky’s the limits. My favorite of all time is taking the chain off a chainsaw, calling their family to let me wait in their house, hiding in their room with a corn sack with eye holes over my head and at the right time rev it up and chase them down. Once they realize the saw isn’t cutting them, I’m met with punches and laughs.

Remember that pranks should be fun for everyone. If your trying to be mean, then that’s what you are, just mean. Remember to be considerate of your friends’ feelings, but if you are pranked, realize they wouldn’t trick you if they didn’t like you. As for me, I just got my Stihl back from the shop, and I can’t wait to use it.