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Abstract Academic: Riding my laptop into the sunset

April 16, 2013

I’m not so good at goodbyes. Actually, I’m not so good at hellos, how-are-yous and everything else in between. Talking to people, really. All that eye contact is hard to maintain. Which is why I...

Abstract Academic: Airballs and padded walls

April 2, 2013

I found myself pounding up the floor, the ball floating beneath my hand like a yo-yo, the Pleasant View sixth-grade championship within reach. Only one defender stood in my way, and he looked scared. I...

Abstract Academic: That's "Cheez," with a Z

March 12, 2013

Hi. My name is Kory, and I am a culinary moron. I’ve always been this way. Something about the way root beer tickles my throat just sends me over the edge. I prefer Sunny D to pulpy, fresh orange juice....

Abstract Academic: I'd do anything for love, except for most things

February 12, 2013

I’ve been teaching English this semester at a local high school, and the experience working with high school seniors has taught me a few things about love. Whoa! Wait! Not like that! I just meant that...

Abstract Academic: Finding a cure for Saduary-itis

January 29, 2013

If you haven’t already noticed, you’ve been feeling pretty blue this week. Don’t worry; it’s not your fault. What? You say you’ve been doing OK? Your new workout routine seems to be working? No....

Abstract Academic: The best advice is unsolicited

January 22, 2013

My mother raised me well. Well, to be more precise, my mother raised me effectively. For instance, I was always expected to hold the church door open for the old ladies trudging slowly in. If I claimed...

Abstract Academic: Baby needs to pull his weight

January 14, 2013

This week’s column was supposed to be a real tear-jerker. I had planned on recounting, moment by precious moment, the birth of my son. He was due to emerge on the 14th. Alas, you’re reading this on...

Abstract Academic: Oh, (fill in the blank) University, we love thee!

December 3, 2012

Why should you, the average high-school senior, decide to attend school in Utah? Here’s why. Utah schools are the tops! Literally! We here at the Organization of Higher Educators’ Council for Knowledge...

Abstract Academic: Sweet, bro!

November 26, 2012

Has this ever happened to you? You’re a girl (which I know rules out about half of you), and you’re on a date, and the guy pulls into your driveway driving a souped-up, white, lifted Ford truck. He...

Abstract Academic: In which the turkey defends his right not to be eaten

November 20, 2012

Greetings, friends, ladies and gentle-creatures of the Grand Forest Council. Chairman Raccoon, Vice President Spotted Owl and Secretary Ground Squirrel, I thank you for putting off more popular issues...

Abstract Academic: Put the "dis" in dystopia

November 13, 2012

I will soon be a father, and this has made me realize that (1) I am poor, and (2) my current academic trajectory points me toward a life in education, which doesn’t really fix No. 1. So, after I read...

Abstract Academic: Writing (parenthetically)

September 15, 2011

Peer critiquing in the college creative writing process is a double-edged sword. On one hand (this is a double-edged metaphor), someone will pick up your whimpering, fledgling little creation that you...

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