It all started just about two months ago. I had just arrived home from a four-month stay in Washington, D.C., working as an intern with Utah’s top-ranking lawmaker (no need to drop names, right? Oh, by the way, I met Alec Baldwin there). As I meticulously unloaded the precious cargo I had hoarded throughout my stay, a stack of unopened envelopes on the far corner of my desk caught my eye. My parents had been keeping my mail!
Many envelopes ended up in the recycling bin — offers from credit card companies and other obtuse mail pieces (apparently I have bucketfuls of unsightly back hair that needs removal for a very low price). Now turning to my golden envelopes, the envelopes worth my attention, I couldn’t help but notice I had received no fewer than seven wedding invitations. Seven! I can easily count the number of friends I have on two hands, perhaps on one. How could seven people I knew be getting married, with the receptions occurring all within a two-week window?
To my astonishment, with each passing week since, I have received additional announcements at a seemingly record-breaking rate. This is the summer of love and love is in the air; there is no doubt about it. Please, a standing ovation for John Paul Young.
Make no mistake, in no way am I anti-marriage. Actually, I am pro-marriage! Huzzah! Honestly, I am thrilled for each and every happy couple who ties the knot. Never before have I been inundated with so many Facebook event announcements entitled “HE LIKED IT SO HE PUT A RING ON IT!” Really, I love getting wedding announcements. In fact, I’ll even take pictures of the more charming announcements (please don’t think I’m a creeper), keeping in mind my future fiancee for whom I take these photographs.
Yet, while pro-marriage, I remain unmarried, a bachelor of sorts. And yet I decry, “What’s wrong with me?!?! I must be a monster!” But seriously, folks, what are the pros of married life? What are the cons? In a stupor, this is what I thought:
PROS:
A constant companion, a confidant
Someone to take care of boo-boos
Someone who can lighten the darkest days
Insurance benefits (yay!)
Tax deductions (you know it!)
Teamwork to take on tough challenges
Security, love and friendship
Intimate relations (you know what I’m talking about, but I’ll leave this topic for parental supervision)
Children
CONS:
Financial burdens and associated stress
Coordination of two schedules
Sacrifice (a necessary thing to make things work, no?)
In-laws
Less freedom
Monogamy (just kidding!)
Children
This is not an all-encompassing list. If there is something you’d like to add, please visit The Signpost‘s website and leave a message for me. Perhaps you will be the one to lead me to “the chosen one.” I have been on literally tens (not “tons,” mind you, tens) of blind dates. Many of these dates ended too quickly, to my discouragement, with a great many others in which I seemed to barely escape the clutches of their wide-ranging claws. In any case, you have your work cut out for you if you desire to help me in my search. What is it that I see in a wife? Check out my compatibility checklist at http://bit.ly/fiu0Tw.